It's a little thing called winter

  About 5 minutes into Wal-mart and we're trying to pick our favorite bagel of the week... and suddenly Danelle grabs her ears and starts whimper crying... and I'm actually a little panicky... like panICK PANICKY!!!
   My ears... they weally hurt! They're burning!! From the cold!!! ooooouchh!!!!
   And maybe I feel bad for her... but it's cute just the same...

Open Memo

  When had Da Vinci figured he was done? What was that last brush stroke to make it final...? ... what made it complete...? ... ...
... ... and when did Michelangelo finish his masterpiece? What was that last hammer fall?... Why was it the very last...? ... how could it be the last... as if the fullness of that marble, all it every could have been, took form in that shape... and there was no other way it could have been made...
  At some point you destroy rather than create... I know... I ruined a perfectly good paint-able coffee mug because I couldn't quit at simple... at all done... I carried on and made a mess of it...
... but how do you know?... when every corner is rounded... when ever white is colour... when every argument is full, and shaped, and complete... but how do you know???

Open Memo

  When had Da Vinci figured he was done? What was that last brush stroke to make it final...? ... what made it complete...? ... ...
... ... and when did Michelangelo finish his masterpiece? What was that last hammer fall?... Why was it the very last...? ... how could it be the last... as if the fullness of that marble, all it every could have been, took form in that shape... and there was no other way it could have been made...
  At some point you destroy rather than create... I know... I ruined a perfectly good paint-able coffee mug because I couldn't quit at simple... at all done... I carried on and made a mess of it...
... but how do you know?... when every corner is rounded... when ever white is colour... when every argument is full, and shaped, and complete... but how do you know???

The Cheapest Thrill

    The one constant that seems to be in law school is the amount of atheists I find... strong ones... no sitting on the fence in this ball park... swing for the fences in your face I'm an atheist... it's a weekly occurance... and maybe I shouldn't be surprised by it... but I am surprised.
    Here we are in a profession that makes a living in the grey area... 'It Depends' as our favorite answer... no solid lines, no absolutes... merely an argument... sometimes for arguments sake...
    Sure a decision gets made, because they to get made, because the world has to work... A person is found guilty or innocent... true... but it's only because we set up the box... we built the guidelines... we set out the imaginary walls of our culture... but... we know full well that the lines that are made up in our heads, in our words, in our courts, and it's an illusion... They exist because we enforce them... but they don't mean anything after that... we could just as easily have completely different laws, and completely different systems, and a completely different culture... and we know it... and every day we argue over what kind of rules we want... and why?
   And I would think a profession that is taught that it 'depends'... and taught to think... and taught to question... and taught to see things from every angle... and argue every side... wouldn't be strong on anything with so little knowledge to go by... The brightest minds in the country and they haven't thought to question why?... Who constantly search for beauty, and love, and enjoyment, and a connection... and never thought to ever question why?... Who see all the hurt, and pain, and death in this world... and never thought to question why?... Who search for meaning but can never actually put their finger on it...


Who in all their life, and in the knowledge of death, ever stop to think for a second that in their pretty little box... maybe something is missing...


This is the kind of stuff that would never make sense unless something greater than this existed... something like having someone you love pass away... I could never begin to imagine... unless I knew that someday things will all be made to work for good...


... because the answer of the world is no answer... it sounds pretty hopeless...

Just like a crow chasing a butterfly,

Dandelions lost in the summer sky,

When you and I were getting high as outer space,

I never thought you would slip away,

I guess I was just a little too late.

But even worse might be to burst with joy and gratitude and have nothing and no one there to scream back that it has meaning, and there is beauty...

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.

I know it is... but why?

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

    This is how friendship happens... is you find out you don't have to be afraid of them anymore... they cheer for the same team as you... or they cheer for any team... or they simply like sports... or they don't hate sports... or they put up with sports... or... really...  have nothing to do with sports... but have something... anything... the same as you... ... ... is how it starts...
    It's worship... like, pagan worship... these interests we share... the ability to lose yourself in a crowd... completely safe... walls down... fists up... the team scores... explode... the stadium... as one... one voice... cries together... this is how community happens... ... ... and could care less what sports being played... or band is singing... or sale is happening... just to be carried away with the crowd...

    ... I've been in a lot of crowds... and a lot of stadiums... Won championships in double overtime... I've seen Fenway when the Sox won... Watched bands playing to sold out concerts... and it's a rush... all the best kinds of carried away...

  ... and I know the flip side of the group... the fear that comes with a crowd... the fear of the hostile... the way they turn on you... the way everyone gets tested... and the eye of the group falls on you... ... ... or... ... ... the safety you feel when it's someone else the crowd attacks... the way you would do anything to keep it someone else... the safety they must have felt as fans in the Coliseum... the safety we feel behind the glass...

   ... and it's this safety... unity... nothing ever compares to the collapsing of walls, the safety, the ease of being carried away, even as a stranger, like worship...
 
   ... And then there's real worship... I think it might be the biggest loss of anyone that has not gone to church... is not experiencing what it's like to worship... really free...

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

In Hindsight...

   I've probably second guessed almost everything I said or did this past weekend in Calgary.
It's not necessarily regret... or even that I think it went all that bad. It's just... all they have to go on is one conversation... that's their impression... and that's it. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am...
   Cause when you have that many students to pick from, I assume, you look for any excuse to write somebody off... It's like Seinfeld getting rid of girlfriends...  low talker, doesn't look good in the dark, man hands, didn't taste his dessert, ate her peas one at a time, liked a commercial he hated... ... ... thought, that she thought, that he had picked his nose...
... That's the kind of thing we're dealing with here...
   Here's an example of a first impression.... I'm on the bus to school, and this elderly guy is having all this trouble getting on, finding a seat, and we're all helping him out. Eventually he asks someone to push the button to stop the bus. Bus doesn't stop. A few people mumble that the driver missed her stop. A few people say that the driver is off. One guy yells at the driver "could you please stop"...
  ... as a reply to the ones complaining... and directed at everyone... in defense of the driver (that I know this happens almost every day to... that doesn't realize it's an elderly man... who is just doing her job... and that can't really say anything and drive...) I say "the bus doesn't stop at that stop"...
 ... And now I'm the jerk that won't make the exception for this elderly man... ... ... and, oh great, I just made eye contact with the guy that yelled for the bus to stop... and he's a player from the Rosetown senior team...

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

Cro Magnon...

There are only so many ways you can try to explain something before you begin to wonder whether or not you're insane. Such as... for example... when I tried to get a guy to unplug the woofer from his stereo because it was shaking the walls of our apartment.

"BUT I've already turned the volume down as low as it can go...!"

"No, see, what I'm saying is, it's not about the volume, you can actually turn the volume up! Just unplug the woofer"

"LOOK, the bass is turned all the way to zero...!"

"Maybe, but here, feel the woofer, it's shaking the ground, at least put it on a pillow or a box or something"

"I'll GIVE you the controller, you can try to turn the volume lower..."

"Ummmm... okay, will your system still work if you unplug the woofer?"

"GO ahead and call the cops... You're being unreasonable... I should be allowed to listen to music in my own house... I'm a firefighter and this is my schedule..."

"Well... ?... ?... ?... ... !... ... I'm a lawyer... and this is nuisance!"

"okay LEAVE"...

(lol)

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

The other side of the law is a whole lot scarier than the one I like to live.

The side where the rubber hits the road and things get real. Where you go on a class field trip to the Provincial court house and the double homicide over the weekend is in pre-trial processes in courtroom 1 at 2 o'clock. Where the guy is literally 10 steps from you. And the girl shakes her head and looks down while the charges are read out against her.

The side that has a guy getting handcuffed in front of your face, and sent to jail for 6 months with a family of 3 dependent on him as sole provider. But did I mention it's a domestic violence charge. And the side where a flashy lawyer in an expensive suit hates calling statutory protections mere 'technicalities' in a DUI dangerous driving offense.

The reality to us civilians is that the only difference between that huge guy looking down at the floor with guilt and the same guy staring you down at a bar ready to punch your teeth in are the cops lining the halls. The power is real.

But surreal at the same time as all us students laugh and joke, carefree on a field trip, while people's lives are touched to the core all around. While life happens.

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

  I submitted an article into the law school's local paper...

  These are all the reasons why it may not be received very well...

1. I joined a discussion about the curve without bothering to figure out what the discussion was
2. I pretended to be a cocky disrespectful first-year because I thought it was an overdone metaphor and thus artistically funny, but there is a very large chance that people won't catch the sarcasm
3. I pretended to be conservative in a place run by liberals
4. I am a conservative in a place run by liberals

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

People are really sure of themselves in law school...
     I have had, conclusively proven to me, that everything is predetermined... inductively... through the lens of science... that there is nothing outside of cause and effect... weird considering he's studying law where people are held accountable for their actions... (digression)... anyways... dude said... one thing hits another, the other moves, hits something else... one atom hits another... particles... make chemicals... make chemical reactions... make brainwaves... make love... and hate... we... .... .... "choose"... only as far as those atoms bouncing around inside our head let us... maybe the unenlightened few think we have a choice... but it's delusion... it's really just action, reaction, action, reaction.... back from one starting action... I wonder what the new theory is about that...
   ... It's never good to venture out on a limb too far... but I kinda thing that there's a little more to it... because we don't just "choose"... we "know" we can choose... and we "know" that we "know" that we "know", ad infinite, that we can "choose"... Sure a computer can mimic us in a way, and maybe analyze it's own program... become a better chess program or something... but does it "know" that it can analyze it's own program... That element of self-awareness is tricky... and particles bouncing around just don't do it for me... maybe 50 years from now it won't be all that tricky, but right now I'm highly skeptical of someone that has it all figured out...
  

Thoughts From an ex-hockey player slash law school student: Hockey Talk

How in the world could hockey ever be THAT important!?
Maybe cause I've lived it... or seen it... or seen enough of it... to know I really don't care that I haven't lived it.
The lifestyle's nothing to be jealous of... while you're at home enjoying Christmas with the family they're the ones in Buffalo getting set to go on the ice.
While you're building a career for a lifetime, they're cut short at 35 with no other skill in the world to fall back on...
The work's nothing to get excited about either... getting shipped all over in trades... no control over your life... under the microscope...
You ask me after a big win, I'll tell you there isn't a better feeling in the world... You ask me walking down the street, or into a bar... and you get away with murder because everyone thinks you're so special... it's cool that normal rules don't seem to apply to you... You ask me in the middle of the game, you'll never be more in the moment in your life (because of fear, you deal with fear every game, and sometimes you hate it... but it makes you feel alive)... And you ask me what it's like to have a band of guys become a family every year... it's something awesome...
... It's just... can you imagine what THAT kind of work... and THAT kind of lifestyle does to a person? It's your job not to grow up. To act like you never got past grade 4 on the playground. You want to talk about consequences take a look at the lives of some of the most successful athletes out there.

You really have to be something special to make something out of your life once the game's over.

 I'd be a bigger fan a guy for getting back into life and doing something with it than anything he ever did as a pro. I'd even be a bigger fan of Lance Armstrong if I didn't read his book and think he was such a *&^8.

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

   A paradox... I work 6 times the hours and am free...
... free...
... because an athlete is a slave... a slave to their own body, a slave to the opponent, even a slave to their future opponent. The guy they won't even know existed for 2 more years.
... It's not the dominant thought mind you... not all the time... not when you're asleep... but ya, in the course of a day that nagging little voice in your head has you constantly thinking about your job... you have to eat... have to work out... have to stay ahead of the other guy... But instead of work you can leave on a desk... if you're lucky... and not take it home... (I doubt a dentist worries about that cavity you had the second they see you out the door)... you never leave your own body...
... You are not free, even with all the free time in the world...

... And when I say free, I realize the fairytale ends when I start seeing real life as REAL LIFE. Not just a vacation from hockey. When I end up becoming a slave on Sundays thinking about Monday... worrying about paperwork instead of stickwork... but a slave just the same...

... The guys that succeed in hockey are the ones that learn to accept what comes with hockey... they live with the unknown... they live with the pain... and little aches... and they love every minute of it and all the glory of the night...

... I only know from what I've seen... but from what I've seen... the guys that succeed in business are the ones that accept there's always work to do... It's a part of life... You leave with work still to be done... You come back with even more work on top of it... and you love every minute of it and all the glory of the day...

Hedonism

  That each individual seeks their own greatest happiness... maybe... that each individual KNOWS their own greatest happiness... maybe not... that they get so caught up in their immediate happiness, like a child and candy, that they fail to see the bigger picture... look at the size of their fannies...

Utilitarianism

  That society seeks to create the most happiness for the greatest amount of people... maybe... that they make harmful actions to others or society painful so they are not pursued... definitely... that in zealous pursuit of immediate happiness society fails to see the bigger picture... look at the size of Fanny and Freddie Mac...

Wedding Weekend

The other family saw us as family... something truly amazing... but... ... something you can hardly understand... when the other family's FRIENDS saw us as family...

And it's one thing when you are given one night of celebration for something so awesome as a wedding... but something along the lines of 4 days... with each day something unique... special... memorable... each bringing its own special flavor to the week... I wouldn't bring it justice... to imagine to compare it to something so comparably mundane as a multi-course meal of the most favorite dishes of your life... dishes you never knew even existed until you tried them... and once tried... craved them ever after... A really expensive restaurant that somehow fit all of the best of your life inside... except the few that couldn't make it and had to find room in your heart... Pleasantly you find just enough time to talk with each... That each conversation was like the smoothest red wine... That each smile, the coolest white... And the laughter...

We drank on it for days straight... from the brim to the dregs... And 2 days later I'm still drunk on this thing called love...

It's a Small WOrld After All

A nerd circle is something you did in high school, or before, depending at what point of maturity you were at when you thought that picking on girls was a good way of getting them to like you...
A nerd circle is something you most definitely forfeit association with once you pass this stage...
But a nerd circle is still funny, in an extreme childish way, and thus, any time you are with guys, and only the guys, and definitely not around any girls...
And so in the most random encounter I met an extremely great girl I knew 10 years ago... friends with many of my old friends... MC at one of their weddings... happened to be on the wrong end of a few nerd circles... gracious enough to forgive my naivite...
Reminded me of something you always know, but sometimes forget... that a friend is a friend no matter what the distance or how long the time...

Two Roads Diverged in a yellow w-

Dear Robert, if only you were alive today...

... Roads come by the thousand these days...

... and roads on top of roads...

... overpasses we like to call'em.

So please, enough of this one or the other crap...

because More than one of these choices is less travelled

...and each choice makes all the difference...
and leaves the ache of losing the freedom to choose

... to miss out on life and experience
you can never go back...

So still I stay, and still I dream.            

Each day the choices are fewer, each year the abilities lesser,    

... but choice still remains,    

And as I wait; lives have come and gone,

... endless possibilities are themselves ended  

Past by.              

And such as it is, while dreaming,          

... the rest are overlooked, 

and so now there is no choice

... for rest is all I seek

The Big Question

  Chicago beat Vancouver...
  Montreal beat Pittsburgh...
... As a fan... do you want the team... that beat your team... to lose??? or win?

If they win, that means you lost to the best...
If they lose, that means you get to see the guys that beat... your team... get their butt kicked...

Immediate vindication... or moral victory...

Band Wagon!?

I was a fan of Pittsburgh all the way back in the time of Mario... which... is... honestly not that far back... but... IS... important for the time being... because... what am I doing trying to argue with some punk kid in a Pittsburgh jersey that I'm a dedicated fan and not just jumping on the band wagon...?

... And especially what am I doing trying to argue I'm a dedicated fan... when... in reality... (since Mario left) I could care less what's happened to the team... and feel no particular loyalty to anyone they have now... nostalgia alone takes me back into their fandom...

... sometimes it sucks to watch them... ... ... that small... what if?... pang... reminding me that I've been in the same room as these players... that I had my break and didn't make it... that because people like them succeeded it means I didn't... but... it also lets me be a fan again... because it left me with a knowledge that these are regular people... regular people that put their pants on one leg at a time, then go out and score 50 goals and be rockstars... but regular people nonetheless... and that I should be a fan of these guys because they're good guys... they play as a team... Crosby, of all people, diving to block a shot... Malkin finishing a hit... now that's something you cheer for... ... ... and I won't even fault him for complaining to the refs... because I know how much a ref can change a game... and because they didn't call that same penalty 3 times... then called in on Orpik... and Cammellerri scored... and it sucks... and that's why you complain... ... ... and I've done it... and I do it... and it doesn't help... but it's playoffs and emotions run high and emotions make people idiots...

... And so far I haven't heard anything crazily worrying about them off the ice... so I'll leave it at that...

And the rest of the story

... At 52 years old you tie a stone around your waist, walk to a sink hole, and throw yourself in... it's your duty to your family and your culture... and it's a great form of population control...

... Depending on where you live you will either have, ahem, your 4 front teeth pierced... your head crushed by a board till it's flat... your tongue cut in two and tied to your ears... or your eyes forcibly crossed... to show what part of the region you are from... and also... it also wasn't a bad way of population control...

... Younger than 18 you play an aggressive form of basketball... the winner gets to die... second place does the honors...

... And you predict world wars, presidential assassinations, and the end of the world in 2012...

We had...

... Double beds... so we changed rooms... but it was raining... and that room was flooded... with only 2 towels... BUT... it gave us Awesome waves...

We almost...

... bought a time-share (but it’s not a time-share)... got an upgrade, but no rooms available... had our laundry done, but left forced with nasty disgusting bed sheets that smelled like feet and had stains, and still have stains... but yet... almost had our spot taken, except big dudes with UFC cutoffs and barbwire tattoes saved our space in line after 35+ people try to cut in on the restaurant... "I never wait for anything, they wait for me"...‘umm... no, those guys there were first’...

We forgot...

... everything we ever learned about math... cause they said 9 restaurants and we could only count 3, sometimes 2, sometimes 1...

... and somehow 1 Mayan dollar equals $25 American... "almost free! one dollar! buy something for your honeymoon? no! oh... buy something for your mother-in-law!?"... and yet they still thought we might steal something at the flea market!... "Look at this watch! Does it look like I’m gonna steal anything!?"...

We took...

... an art class... as Danelle’s artistic skills with the sun scream made me a beautiful sunburn...

We..

... "Would you like to come to the bathroom with me"... wait... wha!?

We only...

... Only cried in 4 movies this time... wore shorts and sandals... and, can you believe it, skirts...

We...

... suntanned on the balcony... suntanned by the pool... suntanned on the beach... read 6 books... Flooded the bathtub... went Cliff-diving... boating... snorkelling... had the coral reef incident... "I’m more of a follow the rules kinda person... so, you wouldn’t like it if I did THIS!"... thought we saw a shark... got stalked by boys with guns... took a romantic walk around the pool... twice... almost got massages... twice... bought $25 Aloe Vera... bought 5 $5 bracelets... bought necklaces... bought another bracelet... is that a ring... do you like this... what do you think about this... "Hello, my name is Danelle, and I’m a shopping addict"...

Day 1: Cancun

GET YOUR FOOT... OUT OF THE DOOR...

But... -weeze- umm... -gasp-... here... our flight... tickets... we just ran... - breathe - ... here...

... YOUR TICKET WAS GIVEN AWAY... YOU WERE LATE...

...BANG... - SECURITY DOOR -... SLAM... s shut...

... closes in my face... I’ve just been through some sick, sick trick of American injustice... (American injustice... I add... like getting the wrong cup of coffee and then not getting a refund... not any real world injustice which I don't deserve to even talk about except to say that I'm not gonna talk about)... but my injustice... 7 minutes early... not early enough for a Delta flight... on a delayed flight... running down the concourse... ... ... 10 minutes or your seat is given away... even thought the clock on the door says 11 minutes...

... MUST BE SLOW...

And I’m not the only one... while pacing... as Danelle in her infinitely superior powers of patience is talking to the gate agent... I see all sorts of people running... bags loaded... to flights already given away... I see those incredulous looks... that spark of injustice still burning a hole... I see the anger... and no direction for it...

In fact... I’m not the only one so much that... once you miss your flight... once they give it away to someone else... they have machines at every gate for quick booking on future flights...

And in such a twisted, messed up chance of fate... as we’re escorted on to a flight 1 hr 15 minutes later I see people run up to our flight... my kind of people... regular people that in some other lifetime if we were both cats we could be friends... ... ... they were late for this flight... and their real tickets for real seats... were given away... so... in fact... their seats... denied because they were late... are now our seats...

... and as the door slams behind me... and in their face... what am I supposed to think... why am I so happy at their expense because I get to go home tonight!?...

...but... what I really mean to say is... I have to applaud the standards of a company to accept this as normal?... applaud the marketing division to keep this under wraps..

Me vs the Mountain

This is what happens when you fall down a mountain...

9Am - Pregame

Wurstel and supersize pretzels are the obvious choice this morning... A)... because eating white sausage after 12 noon is bad luck... and... number 2... because nothing goes better with white sausage than a supersize pretzel...

... This is also the part where we buy 5 euro sleds and Cappuccinos... and Venezianos... and maybe one or two Radlers...

... And this is also the part we find out that everything is closed on Monday... and since we fly out Tuesday morning... that we're screwed...

10Am - Pregame #2

The first and most important part of this... is... I finally get to meet the 3 guys below us that kept me up last night... and the night before... in the process of their 3-day end of the year bender... ... ... which so happened to include an all-night rave party 2 nights ago... and a Rock Band marathon last night... spoiling our plan to blast loud music on the radio all day to keep them up... in a reality play about what comes around goes around...

But...

It just so happens they're really great guys... and it just so happens the new German word of the day is 'forst'...

... Half-price gondola...

... and go...

10:30 AM Round 1

It's about getting a feel for the opponent... trading jabs... dancing... floating... jabbing... this is not a one-punch-knockout kind of monster... let the crowd get their money's worth... besides... the mountain lulls us into a sense of security... blue skies and a warm sun have a way of doing that to you...

... Heffe is another German word they teach you about over here... I repeat it to myself about 2 or 3 times...

... and besides... for how close the next hut is... so few skiers to dodge... it's a cake-walk... we're down in no time... with minimal damage done... and minimal grumblings... forgot to bring gloves... forgot to bring sunglasses... quickly drowned out with a shot of... yucgh!... Grappa...

11:30 AM Round 2

This is the first and most necessary lesson about a group of guys trying to impress each other... rule #1: there will always be too much alcohol... and... when you think no sane person could ever buy another round... comes rule #2: there will always be too much alcohol...

... but maybe... like blood on the ground... appearing to be more than there really is... works the same for beer glasses on a table... because I'm no hero... and I don't pretend to be one... and I'm not surrounded by any that I can see... ... ... except one... and yet we sail through this round with ease...

... And after Ravioli... one of the greatest Steaks of my life... Tiramasu... a digestif promoting good digestion... later found out to be more Grappa... a small bread fight... and several prank calls...

... we go...

... the one off to the left over there?... or right?... no, no... over there... past those ones... around the bend... on the left... ... ... okay, I'll follow you... well keep up!...

... With the first signs of weather... some clouds rolling in above us... some fog below us... or clouds... I'm not really sure what to call fog at 2100 meters...

... Caught in a fog bank we had our first casualty of the day... at a bend... he went straight... full speed... hit the lip... and flew... in 2 feet of powder... soaking wet is not a good way to spend the rest of the day... ... ... the rest of us fared little better... because stopping on sleds sans breaks comes with great difficulty... we have... the rolling stop... the drag your foot and spray snow over your whole body and your going so fast that it stings your face stop... and the unable to turn hit a blunt object or person stop... ... ... 2 feet of powder starts sounding pretty good after all...

3:30 PM Round 4

Surrounded on all sides and no chance to escape... Jagerbombs outnumber us maybe 3 to 1... and we battle on fearless...

Berns... say... three shot glasses here... two of them have water... one has Grappa... can't smell them... you pick one... kay that one... ... ... now... I'll tell you... this other shot glass... one you didn't pick... is only water... I take it away... now there are only two... do you want to keep the one you picked or switch?... ... ...

Okay... now I have one for you... I'm thinking of a number... pick a number either one or two... you're wrong, you drink... you're right, I drink... what's your number?... ... ...

5 PM Round 5

No longer the same day... a blizzard outside and we're going through it... and this is not me being negative... this is the coolest thing I've done in maybe forever... sledding down a mountain... and it's only getting better... nothing good ever comes without a struggle... what's worth the price is always worth the fight...

... so we go...

... A whole team down the mountain... on sleds as big as dinner plates... steering impossible... braking unlikely...

6 PM Round 6

The bar is famous for one reason... that it's tilted a good meter from one side to the other... that you can't fill anything to full without it spilling... that you bang on the table hard enough and everything slides to the floor... ... ... and it has a guitar...

... and it has speck... and cheese... and baurntoast...

,.. I played guitar to reminisce... but Lynard Skynard does not belong at a party... and has nothing on Fleigerland... and definitely nothing on the Ice Bears...

... it's now 4 inches of fresh snow on the ground... the steepest part to go... and... oh ya... the snow cats are out...

7:15 PM Round 7

It took us a whole lot longer than expected to get down... after the steep part was supposed to be clear sailing... but whatever near death experiences might have been had on the steep part... it's the flatter part that got us... because sleds don't move an inch on 5 inches of wet snow...

But now we're down... and in taxis... and cold... and wet... and tired...

But home... and shower... and eat... and 10 minute power nap... and phone call... and drive... and doesn't matter we're the only guys in the place at 7:30... because 3 hours from now this place is gonna be packed... until then I'm sure we can find something to do...

10 PM Round 8

People rarely judge others based on qualities that person really has... but resort back to previously conceived notions... or strongly held bias... and thus, anything you have to say about me does more to show you than it could ever really be about me... ... ... you got that?...

And secondly... I can tell you already have an opinion about it... and it doesn't matter what the reality is... you're just going to look for anything there is to justify what you already think... because people don't like to be wrong... and I can tell you don't like to be wrong... Miss has an autographed book by Douglas Adams and yet doesn't know how the book ends...

And lastly... this is a quote for you... I find it appropriate... you ready?... ok... so... the more you know, the more you know you don't know... ... ... no... it doesn't matter who said it... or wrote it... think about what it means... say it again?... ok... the more that you know about everything, the more you realize you don't know about everything...

... So... in summation... when you tell me that all guys are stupid... and narrow-minded... and that you know a lot about a lot of things and are super smart or whatever... I just don't believe you... it's bias... it's pride... it's a defense mechanism... and if you really knew a lot I would expect you to say you didn't know a lot... now excuse me... my wife is calling...

1 AM Round 9

Coronas... ... ... Coronas because of Mexico... because we're going to Mexico and you, also, are going to Mexico at the same time... and we're totally going to see you there... so Coronas... and what is the deal with Italy serving Coronas with lemons?!...

oh... hey Danelle!!!!...

and I know it's Dali... and I know it's a dance club... ya... I know... but I'm not really about dancing right now... in fact... I'm fine on this stool right here... ... ... no?... not allowed... fine... let's go...

Afterwards... Round 10

2 police checkpoints... and yes... my smoking hot wife is sober... hey... HEY... YO... wake up... we're at your place... ... ... ummmm... he's going the wrong way... uh... did he just fall into a bush... is he good?... ya... he's fine... let's go... to spaghetti... bed... back out... gas... save the stranded... no... don't worry... it's what friends do... and back... bed...

... Great day...

Stick With Me

I was such the kid brother today out on the ski slopes... Waiting... waiting... always waiting for me... and I have to appreciate the guys for putting up with it.

But what a day... Gardena is unlike any other ski hill I can think of... because technically it's not a hill... Gardena is the links style golf course of ski hills... You're not supposed to stay on a hill... or the same chairlift... and wind your way through side by side runs... with the ski hill still counting them as different runs... somehow...

... Instead...

... The MULTIPLE VALLEYS are set up to start somewhere... and never again see that place until you get back that night... OR... just don't... you might get lost in this web anyways... because this place is the Boston, Massachusetts of ski hills... no big deal... find a hotel to stay that night... and start up the next day... because that's the thing... This place is not designed to ski in a day...

... of course it's a fun day of skiing... but in my not so humble opinion you shouldn't try to tackle this place in less than a week...

... This is how you could do one day... Start in Ortisei... go up Alpe de Siusi... to Monte Pana... to the Sella Ronda (literally ski around a set of mountians)... end up in Seceda... and ski back down into Ortisei... that's a day... Not a single run the same... Not even the same ski slope the same...

... But the week is so much more interesting... start in Ortisei... and ski towards Brunico... stay the night... then ski towards Cortina... or to Fasa... or Alleghe... and find a shack on top of a mountain with a heater, goulash, and gleuwine at night...

If Only

Life is a long... gradual... process... and in it you can safely assume your answer to "what's new in your life" will gravitate along the lines of "nothing much" almost every time...

... maybe in five years... or ten years from now... from that boring mountaintop... The struggle towards some sort of goal you have stuck in your head in this longterm perspective... will create some sort of real change...

... But in the immediate sharpness of everyday... at ground level... life throws you around like a rag doll... It's a shoulda coulda woulda world in this narrow perspective... It's a one second too slow or too fast... a one conversation went well, went bad... a one deal went through, one busted... a win... a loss... It's life on the edge of a knife.

... And maybe that's the reason why society has come to idoalize sports... one shot... one chance... on a time clock... last possession... decides so much... and means so much... and it rings true... these swings of fortune... the recklessness of it all... it works... it speaks to us...

... One face-off... lost... one shot... miss-fired... one save... bouncing puck... one player... not picked up... one goal... ... ... and all your left with is... if only...

... And maybe that's why people try to limit the ability of chance to screw things up... of getting burned... and so rules... added onto rules... added onto instant replay and doubling the amount of refs... to put the game into a safe little box... and try to control that fiery demon of chance... just look at the largess in society... rules... piled on rules... piled on rules... piled on security cameras and doubling our world police... because chance is an impossible creature to kill it seems... and not too easy t contain...

... And if you really can't survive with this creature chance... not even a little bit... and the fear of the unknown is just too much... well then you can always try online chess and turn the chat off...

Sudden Death

I thought I missed...

I really thought I'd missed... in my mind... I saw... I'd skate back past their bench... onto our bench... eyes down... a few pats on the back and good try... but that sense of loss... and have nothing to do but sit and watch other players decide the rest of our season... I saw all of it in that second... or better... I felt it...

And the rest of our bench thought I missed...

Because the goalie read my shot... he was there... I only had one shot... one legit one anyway... the only shot that I really knew well enough to pull out in a sudden death shootout... come through the left hash marks... fake shot... a foot to the right... five-hole... Frolov's specialty... who got it from Teemu... who got it from Mario...

But the goalie was there... paddle down... I didn't see a hole... I had to try... but he was there... and when I heard the puck hit his stick... ... ... I thought... it's over... ... ... and yet I still hoped... and I didn't see the puck... and looking... looking... and... I'll never forget that sight.. seeing the puck trickle past the goal line...

I think I might have been at the blueline before I even raised my hands to celebrate... something the rest of my team still won't forgive... but I just didn't believe that I scored...

... so many reasons why I couldn't believe...

Game 5 of a best of 5... down 4-2 going into the third and looking into everyone's eyes we thought it was over... never stopped trying... but chances were it was over... and 4-3 on a power play... and 4-4 on a fluke... and we came back to tie... killed off a 5 on 3 in the last 10 minutes (with the same 3 guys on the ice the whole 2 minutes) and a 5 on 4 in the last 3 minutes... I never left the ice for the last 5 minutes of the game... we were down to 3 D... and one of our D played the last 7 minutes... that's why we called a timeout with a faceoff in the neutral zone in the last 2 minutes... just to rest...

... and then 5 minutes of 4 on 4 overtime...

... and then shootout... 5 shooters... I was 4th... tied 1-1... and I hit the post... I thought I'd be smart and do the move the only right shot from the other team did against our goalie... I figured he used it because he knew it worked on his goalie... and it did work... and with the whole net to shoot at I hit the post... but Schnitz answered back with a save... then save... and save...

... Sudden death...

... Pick any shooter... the other team goes first... all 4 imports huddled around our coach and no one wanted to go... 'No, not me'... 'Don't pick me'... 'No way'.... 'I'm not feeling it'... and I promise you I didn't want to go... but our coach looked me in the eyes and said 'I know you have this'... and I went...

... And our goalie made the save... and out of the box... 'Bernie you can win it all here with one shot'... ('thanks guys')

... ... ...

... I wish I could tell you it was an amazing celebration... but it wasn't... it was gloves and helmet and stick in every direction... and jumping... screaming... guys jumping over the boards... and falling over the boards...

And a whole night in our hockey track suits singing German victory songs... and me on the mic... on a table... singing Fliegerland for the bar...

It's the crazy thing about sports... the finest line between the highest highs and the lowest lows...

Sophistimicated

I'm sitting in an apartment overlooking the Italian Alps... with semi-decent fish... ie. capers, tomatoes, olives, and assortment of spice... I'm drinking non-Italian, in fact, Slovenian, white wine.. and I can tell the difference... playing chess online with a couple of sandbaggers that are incredibly better than me yet somehow hover around my rating... who... in order of appearance... (1) utterly destroyed me.. in a... I'm playing a 6-year old but I still will still punch you in the face kinda way... (2) forced stalemate with a pawn vs my two rooks because I had 10 seconds to checkmate... (3) devastated my kingside... was 8 points up... and fell to my Qb2, Kc4, and an assortment of passed pawns... and lastly (4) up a piece and a winning position he... or she... played their queen right into my bishop aND PIECE!

... this is probably the most sophisticated I have ever... and most likely... will ever be

Loading Up

The same way top NHL teams make trades to help them go deep in the playoffs - A2 teams are making moves. And here... when you're only allowed 4 imports, a really good Italian... or 2... puts your team is in a dominant position. A few teams have started, and it's only a matter of time till some others... or all the rest... follow suit.

Christmas

What a whirlwind of a season...
... a game every second day and a family darting in and out on their way to Rome, to Florence, to Venice... It was the best we've ever done to keep our promise of 'no presents' and the tree was still as full as ever... and the smallest one... a present a little delayed... was the best present of all... The days worked out to regular beat of coffee and gluwine... the nights to some form of cards and books... the only unfortunate thing might have been our card luck, that enabled two incredibly inferior opponents a few meagre morsels of victory... You don't want to say too much about it... but 4 hands in a row if both players are 1 or 2 cards away from a mis-deal... well... a monkey on a typewriter could win it... just saying...
... and now back to as close as a reality as I get in Italy... I would have to say the best times I had were on the patio of the cafe covered in blankets with drink in hand...