Connect 4

   I have a dog... a crazy silly dog... believes every time she goes out and comes back in she gets a treat. So stuck on this idea that she goes out all the time. And right after. Paws at the door to come back in. Wags her tail... Looks at you... Over at the treat cabinet... ... ...
... ... ... Waits... ... ...
... And once no treat... she's back outside again...
... It's not... never has been going outside that gets a treat... But still she goes...
... Can't she realize?... It's something else?...
... and then introspection... and... how many times I think I must be just as crazy and silly... how... stuck on some idea... some action... something I think rewards me... because maybe it seemed to work one time... didn't realize there was actually no connection at all...

Mens Rea

The more I read from the Supreme Court about Mens Rea, the more I get a distinct impression in my mind. The way they keep repeating and repeating these same words and phrases... it's like they're hitting me over the head and yelling ... "How many times do we have to tell you!? We haven't a clue what we're talking about!"

It's a little thing called winter

  About 5 minutes into Wal-mart and we're trying to pick our favorite bagel of the week... and suddenly Danelle grabs her ears and starts whimper crying... and I'm actually a little panicky... like panICK PANICKY!!!
   My ears... they weally hurt! They're burning!! From the cold!!! ooooouchh!!!!
   And maybe I feel bad for her... but it's cute just the same...

Open Memo

  When had Da Vinci figured he was done? What was that last brush stroke to make it final...? ... what made it complete...? ... ...
... ... and when did Michelangelo finish his masterpiece? What was that last hammer fall?... Why was it the very last...? ... how could it be the last... as if the fullness of that marble, all it every could have been, took form in that shape... and there was no other way it could have been made...
  At some point you destroy rather than create... I know... I ruined a perfectly good paint-able coffee mug because I couldn't quit at simple... at all done... I carried on and made a mess of it...
... but how do you know?... when every corner is rounded... when ever white is colour... when every argument is full, and shaped, and complete... but how do you know???

Open Memo

  When had Da Vinci figured he was done? What was that last brush stroke to make it final...? ... what made it complete...? ... ...
... ... and when did Michelangelo finish his masterpiece? What was that last hammer fall?... Why was it the very last...? ... how could it be the last... as if the fullness of that marble, all it every could have been, took form in that shape... and there was no other way it could have been made...
  At some point you destroy rather than create... I know... I ruined a perfectly good paint-able coffee mug because I couldn't quit at simple... at all done... I carried on and made a mess of it...
... but how do you know?... when every corner is rounded... when ever white is colour... when every argument is full, and shaped, and complete... but how do you know???

The Cheapest Thrill

    The one constant that seems to be in law school is the amount of atheists I find... strong ones... no sitting on the fence in this ball park... swing for the fences in your face I'm an atheist... it's a weekly occurance... and maybe I shouldn't be surprised by it... but I am surprised.
    Here we are in a profession that makes a living in the grey area... 'It Depends' as our favorite answer... no solid lines, no absolutes... merely an argument... sometimes for arguments sake...
    Sure a decision gets made, because they to get made, because the world has to work... A person is found guilty or innocent... true... but it's only because we set up the box... we built the guidelines... we set out the imaginary walls of our culture... but... we know full well that the lines that are made up in our heads, in our words, in our courts, and it's an illusion... They exist because we enforce them... but they don't mean anything after that... we could just as easily have completely different laws, and completely different systems, and a completely different culture... and we know it... and every day we argue over what kind of rules we want... and why?
   And I would think a profession that is taught that it 'depends'... and taught to think... and taught to question... and taught to see things from every angle... and argue every side... wouldn't be strong on anything with so little knowledge to go by... The brightest minds in the country and they haven't thought to question why?... Who constantly search for beauty, and love, and enjoyment, and a connection... and never thought to ever question why?... Who see all the hurt, and pain, and death in this world... and never thought to question why?... Who search for meaning but can never actually put their finger on it...


Who in all their life, and in the knowledge of death, ever stop to think for a second that in their pretty little box... maybe something is missing...


This is the kind of stuff that would never make sense unless something greater than this existed... something like having someone you love pass away... I could never begin to imagine... unless I knew that someday things will all be made to work for good...


... because the answer of the world is no answer... it sounds pretty hopeless...

Just like a crow chasing a butterfly,

Dandelions lost in the summer sky,

When you and I were getting high as outer space,

I never thought you would slip away,

I guess I was just a little too late.

But even worse might be to burst with joy and gratitude and have nothing and no one there to scream back that it has meaning, and there is beauty...

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.

I know it is... but why?

Thoughts from an ex-hockey player law school student

    This is how friendship happens... is you find out you don't have to be afraid of them anymore... they cheer for the same team as you... or they cheer for any team... or they simply like sports... or they don't hate sports... or they put up with sports... or... really...  have nothing to do with sports... but have something... anything... the same as you... ... ... is how it starts...
    It's worship... like, pagan worship... these interests we share... the ability to lose yourself in a crowd... completely safe... walls down... fists up... the team scores... explode... the stadium... as one... one voice... cries together... this is how community happens... ... ... and could care less what sports being played... or band is singing... or sale is happening... just to be carried away with the crowd...

    ... I've been in a lot of crowds... and a lot of stadiums... Won championships in double overtime... I've seen Fenway when the Sox won... Watched bands playing to sold out concerts... and it's a rush... all the best kinds of carried away...

  ... and I know the flip side of the group... the fear that comes with a crowd... the fear of the hostile... the way they turn on you... the way everyone gets tested... and the eye of the group falls on you... ... ... or... ... ... the safety you feel when it's someone else the crowd attacks... the way you would do anything to keep it someone else... the safety they must have felt as fans in the Coliseum... the safety we feel behind the glass...

   ... and it's this safety... unity... nothing ever compares to the collapsing of walls, the safety, the ease of being carried away, even as a stranger, like worship...
 
   ... And then there's real worship... I think it might be the biggest loss of anyone that has not gone to church... is not experiencing what it's like to worship... really free...