How to survive in Holland

- do not own a truck, for that matter do not own a vehicle larger than a medium sized shrubbery
- do not care about baseball, football, at most times hockey, or anything else American except MTV
- do not use splenda and try to pretend like you have never even heard about it
- do not care if public washrooms are coed
- do remember that they usually cost about 50 cents to use (even at Mcdonalds)
- do be curious about other possible differences washrooms have in Europe
- do not waste money on an expensive house, instead waste it on an expensive couch and on your bmw
- if you are going to drive a cab, you must own a bmw
- do buy a scarf of your favorite football(soccer) team
- do not ever call football soccer
- do not trust hockey teammates to teach you how to say common things in Dutch
- do remember that coffee shops in Holland are not actually for coffee
- workouts must be followed by a nice beer at the gyms bar
- your beer should be accompanied and followed by at least one, if not more than one cigarette
- do not worry about what you'll eat, as long as it's some sort of deep fried cheese product
- do not worry about where you'll live, if homeless a house will be provided
- do worry about what you'll wear and it better have a good name
- do have gel in your hair at all times
- do have beer as your drink of choice at restaurants since it is cheaper than water
- do remember there are no free refills on anything
- do have patience at a restaurant because servers don't get tips and it shows
- do not even bother tipping because servers split it with everyone in the restaurant anyways
- do remember that restaurants are less about the food and more about the company anyways
- do use your 3-4 times as many vacation days as Americans wisely
- do remember that Paris and London are both only 4 hours drive away
- do remember that anywhere in Europe is under $100 roundtrip airfare