Mind over Matter

St Augustine, the legend, has really always been St Augustine, the man... for sure he wrestled with a lot of things in his life... and confessed it... confessed... not in a, 'look at how amazing my sins were so I have all that going for me too' kinda way... instead... 'counting them as less than nothing'... a true confession... look at how messed up my life was and see what God has done with it...
... it's not easy to open your life to public scrutiny... celebrity tell-all books the obvious exception... but they write to honour themselves... and for money... and usually through the revision of an editor...
... but this is bare bones... no glitter... no shine... no control of the message... it feels genuine... (and I've read enough of these tell-all books to know when it doesn't)... and this is meant to glory Someone else...
... He writes... (shortened in my writing and with hopeful intent)... ... Why could I not do what I knew in my heart I should do?... ... If the mind tells the body to act a certain way... for example... the arm to move in this or that direction... it does so without question... it is almost as if the will and the act were one... mind over matter is easy... ... yet if the mind tells itself... to decide on a course that it is not fully set upon... such as to get out of bed while in a state of great inertia... and content... even fully knowing that it would be better to be out of bed... you will stay in bed... (This is similar to what Paul wrote about doing things he does not want to... but caught my attention because it is so directly applicable to me... it's specific... shockingly, surprisingly similar to my senior year, where no amount of mental effort would get me to my 9 AM class... zzz... or 10... or 11... ...)... ... and continues... there is this duality, or more likely plurality, in the mind where your will cannot reign supreme... Because if you fully willed some course of action you would not have to give an order... you would simply be acting... you can imagine trying to choose between your two favourite meals... equal in all regards... and stuck between them because you want them both... understandable... but this is often between something a person knows is good for them and something that they know is bad... or a few choices... some of them they know are good and some of them they know are bad... yet they're still caught in this struggle... (again in his words...) because they are weighed down by habit... habit is too strong when it says... 'do you think you can live without these things?'... when they have become a necessity... ... And... I know... why must everything always come back to habits and become some prolonged life lesson?... ... You ever seen smokers trying to break the habit... One smoker struggling years and years to quit while another quitting the instant a friend dies from lung cancer... never touching it again... this could only be possible if, disregarding all of the physical dependencies and triggers, it was mental... commit completely... 100%... all in... and know you can live without it...... So the battle is really in your mind... like you didn't already know... but how do you win?... ... It occurs to me, first, that if you struggle... in the process of building up the one side of your will you might also strengthen the other... You might even reinforce the habit you are trying to break... the old... 'dont think of a white bear'... 'dont think of a white bear'... 'dont think of a white bear'... 'dont think of a white bear'... ... imprinting of negative reinforcement... just imagine what the, 'dont smoke after you...' mindset could trap you in... ... And, to further how not to break a habit, it actually sounds a lot like the Old Testament to me... 'DO NOT...' had a very prominent place in the Old Testament law... but in the New Testament the law changed... it became positive... 'Love one another'... 'Love the Lord your God'... DO... instead of DO NOT... (There is no try)... maybe it was Jesus pointing out something about our nature that we should really clue in to... and interesting... in Jewish history... maybe I'm wrong but... the commandments the people seemed to falter least on were the positive ones... 'remember the sabbath'... and 'honour your father and your mother'... ... So, in contrast to 'THOU SHALT NOT' a better strategy might be introduce something positive to replace an old habit... change the program in your mind... or interrupt the program... create your own ending while it's in the process... the trigger to smoke after you eat could become soaking in the tub... turning off your alarm clock and sleeping in now becomes getting up to meet with a friend for breakfast... I never could find something to make me get up... but I also never tried...