... that's the best time to try to parallel park and block traffic... and miss... ... ... twice...
... It's not like I'm characteristically late for things... At least... I don't live my life racing with the clock... I try to be early for things... because early is relaxing... early is great... early does so many good things for you... there's no better feeling than relaxing earliness... and early keeps you far far away from the 'if you're not 10 minutes early, you're late' logic of coaches and the necessary bag skate aftermath to hammer it in your head...
... But really, there is no worse feeling being late... it's a nightmare I sometimes get... and a nightmare that sometimes happens... because life happens... the power goes out... you didn't check the schedule... you turn off the alarm clock and lay back down because you'll for sure get up in five minutes anyways... just a little bit more... zzzZZZZ...
... And then... phone call... pick up... jump up... rush... food... frantic... clothes... shoes... jacket... stairs... ... ... snow on the car... ... ... brush it off... (forgot your gloves)... (freeze)... warm up the car... scrape off the frost... get in... care door is frozen... it won't close... slam harder... nope... threaten it... haha... works... what th-!?... frost on the inside?!?... can't be... scrape... scrape... scrape... frost going everywhere... back out... into an unplowed foot of snowfall... stuck... push... rock the car... somehow at the very top of the rocking jump in fast, push clutch, put in first, push gas, gun it... and freedom... downhill... watch out for ice... watch it... sliding... sliding... car... car... car... okay stopped... must go slow... real slow... are you really turning left with this line of traffic... right now!?... another phone call... don't answer... it's a trap... coach probably listening... turn... turn... turn... roundabout... turn... light... go... STOP!... snowplow... snowplow... horn... MOVE!... no?... okay... my bad... park... run... right past the GM... STOP!... I have to sign this?... ok... there too!... ok... late?... me?... naw!... coach is at the door waiting... nope... no... ... ... no... no excuse (never have an excuse, that's a trap too)... and walk in...
... out of the frying pan into the fryer...
... Cause... when early... sipping coffee... stretching... dressing... there's no better feeling than knowing about and eventually seeing someone that is late... it's the vulture in us all... the big phew, it's not me! feeling... the uh oh what's coach gonna say?... and the figuring out of the chirp to use when they do eventually walk in...
... And it's him coming in... head down... darting eyes... guilty face... getting laundry... getting dressed... that just begs for such a chirp to be used...
... 'Sleep at night Bernie'...
1 comment:
you're hilarious! I just read your last 3 posts to Lindsay and we were crying we were laughing so hard.
We miss you guys. It won't be the same without you here at Christmas. We haven't really talked to Mom and Dad yet about their trip except to hear that they had a good time.
love you.
jill
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