The Rules are there are no rules....

Beaking is about overemphasizing the obvious... showing no weakness... taking the offensive... never playing defense... taking advantage of any chinks in the armor ... and stepping way over the line when the need calls for it...
And let's get one thing straight right from the start. I'm not a great beaker. I'm not an average beaker. I'm below mediocre at best. But I can and will laugh along with the best of them...
Look at that nose... Did you swallow a canoe? .. Why don't you go rent yourself out as an anteater... Is your gf/wife mad about the patch of carpet you took out to make that suit?... Nice fro buddy, did you stick your finger into a light socket?... I think you're old enough now to stop having your mother dress you... You've got the skinniest chicken legs I've ever seen... C'mon, let the kids play (To a veteran)... Look at T Rex/alligator arms over here (if they're cheap and can't reach their wallet)... Your beard is really gonna come in nice in 4 to 5 years (if they're young and trying to grow a playoff beard)... Did Santa give you some time off from the mall this year? (if their short)... You should play baseball for all the no-hitters you throw (if they don't hit)... You couldn't put a beach ball into the ocean... (or just as good) you're all Swedish no Finish (If they can't score)... You throw muffins/pillows (if they have a weak punch)... You're such a seat-bealt (If they hold on for dear life in a fight, don't throw any punches, and just tie the other guy up)... Mix in a save every now and then (to a goalie)... You never told me your parents were coming to the game (Looking at the crazy superfans who obviously takes the game a way too seriously)... You've changed (The biggest screw with their head non-beak)... Shake it off (Even after a good practice or game; The second biggest screw with their head non-beak)...

Goal drought...

Terrible news... I haven't scored a goal in NHL hockey '93 for the Sega Genesis. Not even a goal. What a contrast to NHL hockey '92 which had a guaranteed quick left-right shot on a breakaway for a goal. And a walk around the net to back out front and shot was an easy 2-0. Now all those moves are gone in '93. All you have now is one-timers. It's brutal. Cause everyone knows I don't pass so right there I've lost the whole battle at hello. And I'm up in here in the majors with pros who've had nothing to do for years but perfect their game. How am I supposed to compete with that? ...and please tell me you're all John Favreau/Vince Vaughn fans... and if you don't know what I'm talking about I hope for your sake you're older than 30.
Awesome news... I'm now 3rd in dart rankings on the team, which kinda makes me a big deal. And I just hit my first ever 180 today... sick 'ahem... so I wanna thank God for giving me such sweet hands and such..' And also I have a new dart board at my place that I spend way too much time throwing at. So if any of you back home think you have what it takes to bring down the champ... I'm offering free lessons...

And I think this is funny, and I know this guy from school which that makes it even funnier...

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=420656

Double Header: Game Two

Detroit is Hockeytown USA. And Yzerman is Detroit. He's 'cooler than the other side of the pillow' - ML... Retired that you are Stevie, but you will always be a warrior poet... Longest serving captain in NHL history, fought through a knee injury that eventually cost you your career, sacrificed to block shots resulting in 2 broken ankles, 6th all-time in points, 8th all time in goals, a 10 time all-star, and led your team to 3 Stanley Cups... you bleed red buddy!... Now I don't personally, but I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that want to have your babies. And Detroit is not post-Steve Yzerman just yet. The core of guys were around when he was there. He's still there somewhere in the front office. The team is set up to have the older guys bring the younger guys into the mentality and lifestyle... so Yzerman wore off on these guys. And it shows. They bring lots of skill and just enough grittiness to go deep into the playoffs each year before an even grittier team like the Anaheim Mighty Ducks knocks 'em out. And I mean literally knocks 'em out.

And ya, Anaheim is gritty... and their mentality runs through their entire system all the way down to East Coast Level. Gotta play tough... gotta fight, gotta be on the edge, gotta skate, and at the same time you gotta have skill. Bertuzzi, Getslaf, Weight, Pronger, even Perry's been known to throw his weight around... pretty intimidating when even your top players will drop the mitts. Brings back the good old days(?) of Eddie Shore, Bobby Orr, or the 'Gordie Howe hat-trick' (1 goal, 1 assist, and 1 fight). Plus they have 3 (maybe 2 now) legit heavy weights on their team. Doubled every other teams' fighting majors last year... Yay 'old-time hockey'... ... Last year's playoff run? Minnesota got it pretty bad. Couple concussions, couple injuries. Detroit too. Couple injuries, a concussion. A 2 game suspension for a cheap hit doesn't really match up when the other player is out for the season... I don't think.

The game was hockey at it's best. The two best teams in the league right now. Skill and Determination vs Skill and Intimidation. Hits, fights, speed, emotion, bad blood from last year's playoffs... patches of bad camera work cause it wasn't CBC, and decent commentary cause it was still TSN. Anaheim was all over Hasek, always in his face, and ran him over a few times... At the other end Pronger and company hurt the Detroit forwards enough to make sure they kept away from the Ducks net... You'll win more than you lose if you control both net fronts. Detroit held strong tho, Cleary stood up to Pronger in a fight even though he gave up about 5 inches... tho he didn't play the rest of the game. And Downey matched O'donnel just a little bit later. There were scrums after every whistle. Big hits all over the ice. An early taste of the war on ice that is to be the NHL playoffs come this April. Detroit won it on skill, a PP, and a broken stick... but you have to wonder if they can hold it all together through 7 games of that stuff come playoffs.

Double Header: First Game

I have a lot of love for Toronto because my Dad cheers for Toronto and I grew up in the era of Dougie Gilmour and Wendel Clark. And I know Gretz is Gretz and all but he really did high stick Dougie and cost Toronto the series in '93 and I remember that. That makes me a fan.

And I have a little love for Washington because I was in their system for a year playing in South Carolina, even though their system didn't love me back... didn't even give me a cuddle... not even a late night drunk dial... (you know... call me up for a weekend... maybe let me skate one time with the team... warmup, sit on the bench, cheer really loud, look really excited, get in if the team is either up alot or down alot, brag about it to all my friends how I 'played' against or with some really good player that's now in the NHL... Sweet). But no.

But Toronto v Washington January 24 2008 was not inspiring. Well... it was inspiring in the sense that it drove me half-way through to leave and watch crib instead... But honestly not much there... and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse something amazing happened... it ended. Rebound, Sundin, bang, goal, done.

Washington should be good in a few years. Most of their team and their coach was in the AHL last year. Ovechkin will also be good soon enough since Bruce is not gonna put up with him not playing defense anymore. Am I the only person to notice that Ovechkin leads the league in 3rd period goals? Hmmm... Usually coming after their already down 6-2 and the other team isn't trying anymore. Hmmm...

And Toronto...? Toughest fans in the league.. you try playing there... made a guy cry not too long ago. Toronto's problem is they have too many chef's in the kitchen trying to make a team. Board needs to start realizing they're teachers for a reason and that the know Jack about hockey. ('If you can't do, teach' I say*). But, for serious, get off your wallet you cheapest team of all time that still gets a sell-out crowd every game and give the GM full control already.

*Some people are born teachers and kudos to that, but how many are there just because they couldn't find anything else to do. I know when I'm teaching/coaching in 5 years that'll be the reason.

And the war?

This blog is one part hockey and life; one part history and philosophy; three parts really bad grammar; and one-half parts pop-culture references... But in so much as this is about life and not about grammar, I think I should talk about the war. And I can honestly say that I know less than half of what's going on half as much as I should, and that I trust less than half of the people telling me about what's going on half as much as they probably deserve. But the thoughts that I do have, not surprisingly, are stolen from some smart person who was alive some place and time long ago.
And that person is... Thomas Jefferson, who said that, "... the less we use our power, the greater it will be." So mental note: Don't overextend yourself or bad things will happen. And second, "War is an instrument entirely inefficient toward redressing wrong; and multiplies, instead of indemnifying losses." So question: Are there other ways to go about this whole situation besides war?

...but what if I win?

You do everything right, you win a game, you win a championship, you're on top of the world... you try to capture that moment... but the world moves on, you're a statistic, you have a game the next day, or week, or year, and you start to realize that for all the talk, the win really doesn't count much for anything... suddenly the... "You're only as good as your last game" starts to leave a bitter taste in your mouth... Don't you deserve something bigger than this? just a little more? something tangible? A little more lasting? Ya, true, you're not fired; ya, maybe a bonus; ya, maybe a free drink or something... a trophy... but how far does that really take you? Watch a 'Where are They Now?' special and you'll find that usually it's not that far. Trapper nation learned that the hard way on Friday. Thought, since we were champions, that we could just throw our sticks onto the ice and win the game... but victory is always earned, never given. And we were playing a team trying to come out of a slump... and that's a bad combination... everyone knows you come out of a slump by going back to the basics. Go to the net hard, use the boards, make easy plays, always have a third man high, work as hard as you can, FINISH EVERY HIT... and ya, they got out of their slump. Woke us up pretty fast too. Only 2 days before we found out that the Beker cup, for all the hype, was only a moment...
Do I consider it Complete letdown? No way!! Winning is fun, if you keep it in perspective. Just don't base your life around it or anything...
...Cause if it is your life... and you lose... it's crushing... but as time heals the pain at least you still have something to strive for next time; But if you win... then you're stuck. The veil gets torn... and on the other side?... some great secret to give your life meaning?... never... cause you can't find meaning from a day? or 2 hours? or 10 seconds... In 'Chariots of Fire' Abrahams trained his entire life to win gold in the Olympics. All he has is 10 seconds to justify his entire life...
... The only good thing winning might bring you is that just for a moment you get to bring your head out of the sand and look around for what's really important. Because what you thought was important (winning) is no longer and now you have to discover something real... some meaning for your life before you dive back in to your work once more... So here's to hoping you found something lasting this time...

Rule #73: No excuses, Play like a champion

We've all been there. Sid the kid is there right now (and everyone except for the guy called up from the minors to replace him feels bad about it). It's when putting ice on your shoulder or stepping into a bucket of ice water actually feels good... It's the crash course you get into differences between vicodin, lortab, purcacet, codein, and advil... not necessarily in that order... It's the realization of how important even the most seemingly insignificant part of your body is now that it's hurt.
But the real question... are you hurt or are you injured? Are you only hurt meaning you can still play, OR are you injured meaning you can't? Are you playing hurt and therefore tough, OR are you not playing injured and therefore a wuss? Are you gonna play and be a team player, OR are you not gonna play and be selfish? And can you even know how bad you're hurt when you can't even see the injury in your groin, shoulder, ankle, or concussion.
It's such a fine line you walk between coming back too early (reinjury, overcompensation, ineffectiveness) and coming back too late (lost conditioning, lost hockey sense, lost chance to be scouted, and possibly lost spot on the team). And ya everyone plays hurt sometimes, but do it too much and (see Bobby Orr or Steve Yzerman) it's the end of your career. The list of players that had to hang up their skates because of an injury that never healed is long and very undistinguished (mostly).
Just the same though, 90% of the guys in the NHL are playing through some sort of sprain/muscle contusion/muscle pull/bone chip pain right now. And the other 10% are on the IR. But guess what? Excuses don't mean you can put an asterix beside a loss so it counts less. And second you can't show your hurt because the other team gets an edge. You have to win through anything. You have to get used to feeling pain and be comfortable with it. It comes along with being in the ECHL, AHL, or NHL and playing 80 games plus preseason and playoffs... Sometimes, in the lower leagues, you're playing 4 games in 5 days, or 6 in 7, or 9 in 12... It's such a grind, and the bad parts can be real bad. You really won't survive that long if you don't love what you're doing. Do I even have the right to speak for everyone or put myself in the same category as most of these players...? Probably not everyone.