I'm watching a graduation teenie bopper high school movie... and I have to wonder... ... ... were they?... was I?... Did I?...
... And I think no...
... Definitely no...
... In all ways no...
... Affirmative on the No... because... At least... at the very least... old teenie-bopper movies stole scripts from writers like Shakespeare and Austen before they proceeded to butcher the crap out of them into 1 hour 20 minute coming of age fwopsticks...
... The new ones are a whole different sort... they have no precedent... they don't borrow genius... they blank slate... begin at zero... and then butcher...
... And it's a problem... when I don't expect much... and they still can't deliver... and for sure... Don't get me wrong... I expect a bad movie... And put up with bad movie... for nostalgia... for luls... for that inevitable moment when he becomes a man... does some amazing thing... gets the girl... I put up with teenage angst... romanticism... and some hacked together plot... because I really was there at some point in my life... I really did think she would walk by me at some pivitol moment in both our lives... I really did play that script over and over in my head... not until later did I realize you had to be dancing for fate to actually work... it's strange the universe...
...but this unimaginably worse... inconceivably awful... waste of my time cancels all hope for humanity... because annual hackjob movies... these half-hearted portrayals of awkward... these watered-down story lines of embarrassing... If they can't deliver on a time-honored tradition... like the amatuer blockbuster horror film... the Cubs losing in the playoffs... mandarin oranges... Mcdonald's Monopoly... then what hope do we have for out future generations?...
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