If you ever drove into the capital city... 'Welcome to Regina: That's with an R... As in the word 'Ridiculous'... As in Your Face is Ridiculous'... would be the greeting to my home town... half-heart-warming... half-educational... ... a sign I'm accustomed to reading more times than I want to think about... The path to the hockey rink... And the path to the golf course... And the path to Fort Qu'appelle... And the path to Kelliher...
... Winnipeg boasts a real home-townish... 'Welcome to Winnipeg: Where Mosquitos will F'ing kill you!... That means YOU... Yes YOU... No Joke... Stay in the car... there's nothing to see here anyways'...
... Off to the west... 'Welcome to Calgary: Yes, This Really IS the Highway and yes, it runs right through the whole city... No... we're not going to change it... Good Luck With Traffic'...
... And our Northerly borthers rock the... 'Welcome to Edmonton /slash Welcome to Saskatoon: We Know, it's really far out of the way... some people like that'...
... Well... you can imagine my surprise when I happen to run into a sign that reads 'Welcome to Vancouver'... and then what came just after... which was... 'Welcome to Vancouver: Nuclear Weapons Free Zone'... ... ... no joke... that's what it said... This isn't America... is it?... is this America Danny?...
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
My Last Name
I was recommended Mr Lube and thus went with some sort of trust in my head that I wouldn't get screwed over... and now... half an hour later... I feel like the trust was misplaced... I feel like I was screwed over... I feel like I paid an extra $94.99 for something that I didn't need... and I eventually want to know if it's true... and then do everything I can to destroy the company that lies to its customers...
... But until that day I take pleasure in the fact that I now know the meaning of my last name... Chekhov... my mechanic... in between recommending new air filters... every kind of flush in the book... and the thing I ended up getting done with my radiator... said that in Poland, Ukraine, and Russia... a 'bernaak?'... was a tugboat... before the invention of a tugboat... in essence a man that pulled a boat through difficult areas by rope... who would have known huh?
... But until that day I take pleasure in the fact that I now know the meaning of my last name... Chekhov... my mechanic... in between recommending new air filters... every kind of flush in the book... and the thing I ended up getting done with my radiator... said that in Poland, Ukraine, and Russia... a 'bernaak?'... was a tugboat... before the invention of a tugboat... in essence a man that pulled a boat through difficult areas by rope... who would have known huh?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
In Hindsight
It's just like all the others... a book where you have to keep reading and reading to figure out the important thing at the end... with smaller 'aha' places as you go... a can't put down book because the thing you must know is hidden... covered in layers and layers of secret information dug up one step at a time... and you chase after the key... that fits... that opens up the mystery... and lets the rest of the action make sense... really bad cults do this in an effort to make money... and what is lost and 24 if not this in a TV show... and the only difference with this book is that the subject is new... wizards... and not necessarily new, but new in that it's aimed at youth... and riddled with teenage angst... similiar to Twilight... and vampires... and girl teenage angst... and layers...
... because... these layers to be discovered could never be real life... adults for one... adults that know better... yet fail to tell Harry the most important and pressing details concerning his life and his safety... the most important and pressing details concerning everyone's life and safety... until the end of the book at least... after Harry has been through 800 pages of misunderstandings, jealousy, injustice and fits of anger... where if only those in charge of his safety would simply tell him that... for example... they think there is a mental connection between Voldemort and Harry... or that Voldemort is trying to locate and steal the prophecy about him and Harry... or that Dumbledore is going to fake to pay no attention to Harry so that it protects Harry from Dumbledore's enemies in the ministry of magic... or that Voldemort might use the connection he has with Harry to show him visions of things that aren't necessarily true... ... ... instead of just thinking about possibly doing it the whole time until it's too late and Sirius is dead...
... The only thing it does create is a lot of angst... teenage angst... frustrating, mind-numbing, pain-staking, stupid childish teenage angst... and when you're older... nostalgia for that ridiculous teenage angst...
... And that is just one book...
... Every book is the same... just different...
... And... Think about it... If you get to the end of each book... and stop... and consider the plot from the start... the actions don't add up... completely sane actors would act completely different in order to give the outcomes the greatest chance of success... the only thing the lack of sanity does is put Harry in the most awkward and terrible situations... further misunderstanding and injustice so that the finale can feel that much more solved and salvatory... like... in the next book... if Dumbledore really wants to go into a cave to destroy one of Voldemort's bewitched items... why wouldn't he bring 3 actual adults from the Order of the Phoenix... not one boy that couldn't protect him at all if they were attacked?... why wouldn't Dumbledore tell everyone in the Order of the Phoenix about the plan to destroy all those bewitched items?... why only Harry?... Why wouldn't Dumbledore tell everyone else about Malfoy's plan to try to sneak Death Eaters into the school so everyone is prepared for it?...
... Just saying...
... The only thing it does is keep the reader in the dark... and make them read till the end... read so fast that they fail to stop and consider the holes throughout the whole thing...
... That said... it's still a really good book...
... because... these layers to be discovered could never be real life... adults for one... adults that know better... yet fail to tell Harry the most important and pressing details concerning his life and his safety... the most important and pressing details concerning everyone's life and safety... until the end of the book at least... after Harry has been through 800 pages of misunderstandings, jealousy, injustice and fits of anger... where if only those in charge of his safety would simply tell him that... for example... they think there is a mental connection between Voldemort and Harry... or that Voldemort is trying to locate and steal the prophecy about him and Harry... or that Dumbledore is going to fake to pay no attention to Harry so that it protects Harry from Dumbledore's enemies in the ministry of magic... or that Voldemort might use the connection he has with Harry to show him visions of things that aren't necessarily true... ... ... instead of just thinking about possibly doing it the whole time until it's too late and Sirius is dead...
... The only thing it does create is a lot of angst... teenage angst... frustrating, mind-numbing, pain-staking, stupid childish teenage angst... and when you're older... nostalgia for that ridiculous teenage angst...
... And that is just one book...
... Every book is the same... just different...
... And... Think about it... If you get to the end of each book... and stop... and consider the plot from the start... the actions don't add up... completely sane actors would act completely different in order to give the outcomes the greatest chance of success... the only thing the lack of sanity does is put Harry in the most awkward and terrible situations... further misunderstanding and injustice so that the finale can feel that much more solved and salvatory... like... in the next book... if Dumbledore really wants to go into a cave to destroy one of Voldemort's bewitched items... why wouldn't he bring 3 actual adults from the Order of the Phoenix... not one boy that couldn't protect him at all if they were attacked?... why wouldn't Dumbledore tell everyone in the Order of the Phoenix about the plan to destroy all those bewitched items?... why only Harry?... Why wouldn't Dumbledore tell everyone else about Malfoy's plan to try to sneak Death Eaters into the school so everyone is prepared for it?...
... Just saying...
... The only thing it does is keep the reader in the dark... and make them read till the end... read so fast that they fail to stop and consider the holes throughout the whole thing...
... That said... it's still a really good book...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Be Bad
The words of advice that I got from Arnold Schwarzenegger... We met an an LA Kings game... Just chit-chatting like old friends... he had his German accent and everything... and he finds out I'm a hockey player myself... just as a huge line brawl is happening on the ice... and he's talking about how tough you have to be to play hockey... then he gives me an autograph... yes, I asked him for an autograph in my dream... on my LA Kings roster sheet... and he wrote... in big letters... 'Whan you aare in aa fight, be baad aand fight'...
... and I woke up just as Shaq was making his way over to say hi... stupid alarm clock...
... and I woke up just as Shaq was making his way over to say hi... stupid alarm clock...
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Run Inn
I went back to 'The Run Inn' today because my oddly shaped feet tore through the sole of the shoe in 3 weeks... Wet grass and dirt makes these things roughly 3 years old... looking at them on my way into the store I thought a 10% discount might be asking too much... no receipt... no nothing... my word... that's it...
... I show him the shoe... tell him the story... thinking this is the worst story I've ever heard of in my entire life... that I wouldn't give him the shoe if he came to me like this... ... ...
... 'Do you think if I give you the same shoe it'll just happen again?'... 'Ya, I guess'... 'Here, how about I trade you and give you this (BRAND NEW) shoe'... 'that's okay I'll just come back with the rec-'... ... ... BLINK... BLINK... 'Wha!?'... 20 seconds later I'm walking out the store with some New Balance 622's... and that's how it happened... Honest... What else can I do to help this store out?
... I show him the shoe... tell him the story... thinking this is the worst story I've ever heard of in my entire life... that I wouldn't give him the shoe if he came to me like this... ... ...
... 'Do you think if I give you the same shoe it'll just happen again?'... 'Ya, I guess'... 'Here, how about I trade you and give you this (BRAND NEW) shoe'... 'that's okay I'll just come back with the rec-'... ... ... BLINK... BLINK... 'Wha!?'... 20 seconds later I'm walking out the store with some New Balance 622's... and that's how it happened... Honest... What else can I do to help this store out?
Tough as Nails
The guy in the elevator had dislocated 3 fingers on his right hand... the power tool he was using caught on some robar and spun his fingers till they were facing sideways... I asked him what worker's comp does for something like that... he smiled... chuckled... 'I just twisted them back in place an kept working'... he had them all bandaged up in a makeshift tape job...
... This is the main reason today why I have no sympathy for myself in the process of a chest wax... but I promise you that '40 Year Old Virgin' does little justice to exactly how it feels... 3 is nothing... just a warmup... and only after 10 or so strips does it really start to build on itself... and then there's the expectancy of the next... and the next... and next... and... ... ... right down the middle before the neck is the worst...
... This is the main reason today why I have no sympathy for myself in the process of a chest wax... but I promise you that '40 Year Old Virgin' does little justice to exactly how it feels... 3 is nothing... just a warmup... and only after 10 or so strips does it really start to build on itself... and then there's the expectancy of the next... and the next... and next... and... ... ... right down the middle before the neck is the worst...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Blades of Steel
I wanted to see how it felt like to skate again... So I rented some rollerblades and went around the seawall... $5 dollars an hour... minimum of 2 hours... ouch... ... ...
... Now, the only real motivation I have biking around the seawall is to see how many people I can pass on my way... more importantly... to see to it that I never get passed in return... year to date... perfect record... I've never been passed...
... but I realize... sadly... rollerblading today will probably see the end of my streak... -sniff-... but I won't go down without a fight... and in the course of the first 10 minutes it becomes clear that I might have been wrong... cause I'm sailing... I pass walkers... runners... ...walkers... not-so-good-bladers... picture takers... bikers-pulling-baby-carts... resters... working-out-bladers... sun-tanners... fairly-fast-bikers... just sailing I tell you... and each time I... 'ON YOUR LEFT!!' and add a little braking sound from the rubber stopper on my right skate just to grab their attention... they jump a bit... you get that little small elation of joy... and the person up ahead of you deflates... thinks... 'oh, I guess there's someone faster than me on this path'... moves over... and sees me take off around the next corner to be forgotten... VICTORY!... AND... and... just up ahead I happen to see a biker going fairly-fast speed and he's just about to pass some rollerbladers... and in my professional opinion... acting way too smugly about this pass for his own good... craziest thing is... I'm gaining on him... quickly... and to look at him... I mean c'mon... so smug, thinks he's going so fast... so here I am... defender of truth and justice... coming up on his tail... about to fly by... in the midst of his smugness... I have him... in my sights... just a few more seconds... he doesn't even know right now, but soon he will and it will be too late... and he's so excited about passing those bladers and thinks he's so great... and... instants now... the insanity... the horribly terrific irony... hahahahHAHA!... .... ... -break screech-... mid-yelll... 'ON YOUR L-'... when... -just then-... a bell... and a tire... and biker... flies by me on the right side... around the next corner... like a shot... gone... leaving me in the dust...
... Now, the only real motivation I have biking around the seawall is to see how many people I can pass on my way... more importantly... to see to it that I never get passed in return... year to date... perfect record... I've never been passed...
... but I realize... sadly... rollerblading today will probably see the end of my streak... -sniff-... but I won't go down without a fight... and in the course of the first 10 minutes it becomes clear that I might have been wrong... cause I'm sailing... I pass walkers... runners... ...walkers... not-so-good-bladers... picture takers... bikers-pulling-baby-carts... resters... working-out-bladers... sun-tanners... fairly-fast-bikers... just sailing I tell you... and each time I... 'ON YOUR LEFT!!' and add a little braking sound from the rubber stopper on my right skate just to grab their attention... they jump a bit... you get that little small elation of joy... and the person up ahead of you deflates... thinks... 'oh, I guess there's someone faster than me on this path'... moves over... and sees me take off around the next corner to be forgotten... VICTORY!... AND... and... just up ahead I happen to see a biker going fairly-fast speed and he's just about to pass some rollerbladers... and in my professional opinion... acting way too smugly about this pass for his own good... craziest thing is... I'm gaining on him... quickly... and to look at him... I mean c'mon... so smug, thinks he's going so fast... so here I am... defender of truth and justice... coming up on his tail... about to fly by... in the midst of his smugness... I have him... in my sights... just a few more seconds... he doesn't even know right now, but soon he will and it will be too late... and he's so excited about passing those bladers and thinks he's so great... and... instants now... the insanity... the horribly terrific irony... hahahahHAHA!... .... ... -break screech-... mid-yelll... 'ON YOUR L-'... when... -just then-... a bell... and a tire... and biker... flies by me on the right side... around the next corner... like a shot... gone... leaving me in the dust...
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